Sunday, July 28, 2013

Unexpected Guidance?

"...And I think of Jesus's arms and how I need Him, that's who I need and I know I know Him through these friends but that I'm going to have to keep following Him to keep whole."
------ Waiting by Carol Lynch Williams

Today I prayed to God, to Jesus, to help me find guidance. To come closer to him and to understand him more. That's it. That's all I did.

Then I went to my mother's house to look after her. (She just had back surgery) While there, I read an entire book. The one quoted above called Waiting. I picked this book up from the library for fun. Just to read and enjoy. Not anywhere in the description does it mention a theme of religion. Not anywhere does it mention that Jesus was going to step in. However; in the end the protagonist makes statement, quoted above, and it took me by surprise.

The girl lost her brother, her very best friend. Her mother hated her after the loss and her family fell apart. She struggles with getting along with her life. God helps her through.

I am in love with the fact that this has happened to me tonight. That God has answered my prayers just hours after I asked for guidance.

I've been in such a funk lately. I've been so sad and unhappy. I've been completely unwilling to be cheered up or to do anything but what is required of me. I feel strongly that I felt compelled to read this book to help me. To prove that I can turn to Him for guidance.


Saturday, July 27, 2013

A little thinking about THE big guy.

A religious person I am not. I dabble through stages of learning about God and what it means to be apart of his 'family.' Overall, I never end up convinced and I feel as if God has to prove Himself to me. It is very difficult for me to hand over control and even more difficult for me to put faith in something whose only evidence of existence is man made- the Bible. Sure there are 'miracles' and testimonies from people, but there are people who truly believe all kinds of things and that doesn't make them real.

My point, with this post, is not to go into a rant about how God isn't real. I DON'T KNOW. I am simply a 21 year old girl trying to figure life out. I don't believe that as a human being, anybody on Earth could possibly fathom what God is like, truly. The majesty of a superior being could not be absorbed by our likeness.

That said, I am back into the mood where I am trying to learn about God. I've decided to try this website: that has short program for getting started. It has thirty lessons, questions, and people available to talk to if need be.

My main issue is that I don't care for going to church. I don't know where I would go or even what to expect. I know that shouldn't be an issue. However, I am extremely introverted and actually quite afraid of dealing with people. I feel like attending church would help me, but then it would end up feeling like an obligation and I would become resentful towards church and God.

I'm going to explore some more on the internet and see what I come up with.


Sunday, July 21, 2013


I was invited to go to a club in about a month. I really want to go since I've never been before. I don't really know if I can dance, but I do want to look hot. So, now I have to find something to wear and try and hurry and get in shape.

I need to lift weights like crazy. I dislike my arms so much and I know it'll be relatively easy to actually fix my strength but maybe not the appearance of the fat. :/

Monday, July 8, 2013

A Lesson in Relationships

Chico and I have been together for almost five years now. We have gone through a lot of crap together and have learned a lot from our biggest blow-out.

The number one thing we learned to do is to keep negative comments to ourselves. This is not to say we do not let each other know about something that annoys/bothers us. Actually, quite the opposite. We ONLY tell each other. We have found that we are far more likely to complain about each other to friends and family but not praise each other to friends and family. This creates a lopsided illusion that makes our relationship sound crappy! Of course our loved ones don't want us in crappy relationships so they tell us ways to be bossy and/or to break up with each other. They don't fight for the other side or try to bring into perspective a story that is only being told from one side.

In the end, when you do something major in a relationship it should be completely your own idea. Getting married before a baby or before moving in, is perhaps traditional, but rushing into something like that isn't intelligent. Every relationship has to run its own course and only the two people involved should have any say over what happens.

It was an incredibly difficult learning experience for Chico and I. And when asked about our relationship we now think of the entirety of it. Not just the last fight we got into. By keeping our fights between us, we don't let anything else weasel its way in.


Wednesday, July 3, 2013

July Goals

Clean litter boxes 12 times
Workout 12 times
Read 2 books (1 has to be Wicked)
Water Plants 15 times
Smash book 3 pages
Hang with my family 2 times
Hang with Spencer's family 2 times
Walk Toasty 5 times
Lose 8 pounds

Last month I didn't really achieve my goals, but I'm cutting myself some slack since I've worked a lot AND I didn't decide my goals until halfway through the month.

We did go to the Lion King show and I was on time to work for 4/5 times. Also, I did weed and mulch my garden! :) More than I thought, haha.